Somali Pirates file Human Rights complaint

Somali Pirates have officially filed a complaint to the Human Rights Commission against the use of the term “Porch Pirate”, citing it as offensive.

“We work so hard to violate international law, disturb the world’s economy and put people at risk”, Ambro Jawahir, graduate of the Mogadishu School of Piracy, said to the media. Jawahir disliked that porch pirates could not even operate a sea faring vessel.

“I don’t care if they’re hijacking ships or stealing packages off the porch, I hate them all”, Jeff Bezos said in an interview with the Associated Press. Bezos added the importance of using more drones for everything from deliveries to monitoring the formation of unions at Amazon warehouses.

FedEx, DHL, and UPS did not respond to a request to an interview but issued a joint statement saying they would respect anyone who chose to identify as a pirate.