Researchers Uncover Material More Fragile Than a White Man’s Ego

Researchers at Harvard University have announced the discovery of a material more fragile than a white man’s ego. The material, named “culture” by the founding scientist, is in the process of being submitted to the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences in preparation for a Nobel Prize.

“That sounds super gay,” Lucas Evergreen was heard reacting to the news on the radio after “Believer” by Imagine Dragons finished playing from the speakers of his lifted Ram truck. Evergreen’s red face was clearly visible behind his Under Armour cap and mirrored Oakley sunglasses. “They sound like a bunch of nerds,” he continued. “I’d never invite them to the man cave to watch Archer reruns with the boys.”

At a local bar, a group of white men gathered to discuss the news, their reactions peppered with references to “Napoleon Dynamite” and “Superbad.” The group erupted in laughter, with the conversation quickly devolving into quoting movie lines, their critiques lost in a haze of high-fives.

Jennifer Bonuso, President of Weber Grills, was not available to comment on the discovery, although she was clearly frustrated their grills were mainly used for Guy Fieri recipes.