Oilers Fans Upset at Lack of Riots

After a forgetful and mediocre playoff run ending in a Stanley Cup Game 7 loss, local Edmonton Oilers fans are upset at the lack of rioting and unrest in the city.

“The trashiest city in the country can’t even come through,” an upset Oilers fan was heard shouting in front of Rogers Place. Fans were in disbelief as they couldn’t even come close to the Vancouver 2011 riots, despite having less vegans, EV owners, Sikhs, and East Asians in their city.

Team owner Daryl Katz, who is considering changing the team name to “Edmonton Carbon Credits” in an effort to modernize, is currently exploring legal options against the NHL, deeming the loss as anti-Semitic.

Mayor Amarjeet Sohi was not available to comment on the “Make Edmonton East Hastings” campaign movement, as he was occupied watching the India T20 Cricket World Cup match with Gary Bettman