MOSSAD Announces Overhaul of Sharpshooter Program
“Our sharpshooters should never miss,” MOSSAD Announces Overhaul of Sharpshooter Program MOSSAD has announced an overhaul of its sharpshooter program following recent lackluster field performance and failure to achieve mission
Researchers Uncover Material More Fragile Than a White Man’s Ego
“They sound like a bunch of nerds,” Researchers Uncover Material More Fragile Than a White Man’s Ego Researchers at Harvard University have announced the discovery of a material more fragile
Oilers Fans Upset at Lack of Riots
“The trashiest city in the country can’t even come through,” Oilers Fans Upset at Lack of Riots After a forgetful and mediocre playoff run ending in a Stanley Cup Game
Diddy Opens Private School for Girls
“I guess I can go by Daddy now to these girls,” Diddy Opens Private School for Girls Sean “Love” Combs, also known as Diddy, also known as Puff Daddy, and
Local Convert Upset at Jihad Prospects
“It’s like they don’t want me to do Jihad or something,” Local Convert Upset at Jihad Prospects A local Calgary man is increasingly upset as he realizes his prospects of
Calgary Mayor Wins Contortionist Award
“The award certificate should say Treaty 7 territory,” Calgary Mayor Wins Contortionist Award Calgary Mayor Jyoti Gondek has received the World Contortionist Award for having her head so far up
Calgary Water Main Repairs Paused Indefinitely
“This is really Treaty 7 territory, after all,” Calgary Water Main Repairs Paused Indefinitely Repairs to Calgary’s critical water main have been paused indefinitely upon the discovery of historical remains
City Council Makes Edmonton Even Less Desirable
The business, located in a home in Central McDougall, was known as “Aunty Ji’s” among patrons. City Council Makes Edmonton Even Less Desirable Edmonton city council has issued a shutdown
Elon Musk Considers Going Vegan
“They need to keep talking about me, I’m like really important to everything,” lon Musk Considers Going Vegan After a failed attempt at privatizing Autism, businessman investor Elon Musk has
Somali Pirates File Human Rights Complaint
“We work so hard to violate international law, disturb the world’s economy and put people at risk” Somali Pirates file Human Rights complaint Somali Pirates have officially filed a complaint
Hezbollah Adopting Gender Inclusive Terminology
“We will refer to them as henchpeople or henchellors from now on” Hezbollah adopting gender inclusive terminology In the spirit of gender inclusivity and LGBTQ partnership, the Lebanese Militant group